He's greater.

MercyMe's song "Greater" came on the radio yesterday as I was driving to a friend's house. I've heard the song plenty of times, but yesterday it really made me think about things. 
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Bring your tired
Bring your shame
Bring your guilt
Bring your pain
Don't you know that's not your name
You will always be much more to me
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Tired, shame, guilt, pain... I know all about those. Why is it so hard for us to realize those things don't define us? Don't you know that's not your name? You will always be much more to me. We will always be more than our sins to God. So, why is it that we struggle to move past them? 
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Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed
When others say I'll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
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For me "others" is MYSELF. I'm convinced I'll never be enough... a good enough Christian... a good enough person... good enough to get married... good enough to have kids. That's my problem. God doesn't think I'm not good enough. He thinks I am more than enough. Why can't I think the same? I watched Mom's Night Out last night and towards the end of the movie one of the main characters was talking about how she wasn't a good wife, mom, etc. The guy she was talking to said, "You aren't good enough for YOU." 
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Every time I fall
There'll be those who will call me
A mistake
Well that's ok
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I've been called a mistake, I've made serious mistakes, but that's okay. I know that in God's eyes I am far from a mistake. The hard part is making yourself realize you're not a mistake. 
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There'll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn't matter
Cause the cross already won the war
He's Greater
He's Greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how he sees me

And it makes me love him more and more
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These lyrics sum it all up for me. There will be days when I desire things that aren't good for me. There will be days I lose the battle. How can you not love Christ when He loves us unconditionally, every day, all day, over and over. Grace is my favorite word. Grace gives hope. Grace gives comfort! 

We've been studying the book of Daniel in church for several weeks. Let me tell you, Daniel's faith in God was huge. He was up against some very fierce adversaries, but He always kept God as his top priority. 

Pray with me that I turn to God when my faith is tested like Daniel. 

I hate when I can't sleep.

I'm a huge fan of naps. I don't know why I continue to take naps, because I know it will just keep me up at night.

When I'm up I start thinking. Then I get sad. Sometimes I cry. Then I tell myself to get over it. Sometimes I pray. Eventually I go to sleep.

Tonight I am thinking about how I am dreading getting up in the morning. Not because I don't want to go to work; I truly love working with the kids I'm fortunate to have in my class. 

I dread going to work because I get tired of doing the same thing every single day. 

Monday through Friday I go to work and work harder than I probably should. I am happy, loving, and silly even when I feel broken, useless, and sad on the inside. After work I come home. On Saturday I usually do absolutely nothing. Except take a few naps. Sunday I go to church. Of course, there's various things during the week when I do something for someone because I enjoy serving others. 

Nothing in my week-to-week life changes. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. 

I want change, but then I am way too scared to actually change anything. 

I want something different, but then I'm extremely comfortable right where I'm at. 

I feel like my life is extremely mundane, boring, repetitive, and lackluster. 

I'm afraid I'm going to look back on my life one day and all I'll remember is working. 

This time last year I was also tired with my boring life and I decided to try to change it and I failed miserably. 

Last year I didn't go to God first. 

I have to admit I'm struggling to go to Him now.

I feel bad for not trusting God and for not being content with what He does provide me with. 

Now I'm angry with myself. Angry for how I feel. 

I know that if I go to God and leave it all in His hands my mind will stop this horrible attack on my heart and I'll get some sleep.