I hate when I can't sleep.

I'm a huge fan of naps. I don't know why I continue to take naps, because I know it will just keep me up at night.

When I'm up I start thinking. Then I get sad. Sometimes I cry. Then I tell myself to get over it. Sometimes I pray. Eventually I go to sleep.

Tonight I am thinking about how I am dreading getting up in the morning. Not because I don't want to go to work; I truly love working with the kids I'm fortunate to have in my class. 

I dread going to work because I get tired of doing the same thing every single day. 

Monday through Friday I go to work and work harder than I probably should. I am happy, loving, and silly even when I feel broken, useless, and sad on the inside. After work I come home. On Saturday I usually do absolutely nothing. Except take a few naps. Sunday I go to church. Of course, there's various things during the week when I do something for someone because I enjoy serving others. 

Nothing in my week-to-week life changes. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. 

I want change, but then I am way too scared to actually change anything. 

I want something different, but then I'm extremely comfortable right where I'm at. 

I feel like my life is extremely mundane, boring, repetitive, and lackluster. 

I'm afraid I'm going to look back on my life one day and all I'll remember is working. 

This time last year I was also tired with my boring life and I decided to try to change it and I failed miserably. 

Last year I didn't go to God first. 

I have to admit I'm struggling to go to Him now.

I feel bad for not trusting God and for not being content with what He does provide me with. 

Now I'm angry with myself. Angry for how I feel. 

I know that if I go to God and leave it all in His hands my mind will stop this horrible attack on my heart and I'll get some sleep.