Disappointment.

That friend we thought would be in our life forever.

The job we wanted but didn't get. 

A parent that doesn't have the desire to be part of your life.

Family members that are strangers.

The last page of a good book. 

When you work hard at something only to fail miserably. 

Being lied to. 

When the person you want to win Dancing with the Stars doesn't. 
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Life is full of disappointments.

It's about how you react to these disappointments.

I'll be honest. I don't always react the right way.

I put myself in control instead of remembering that God has this under control.

I didn't react the right way to my most recent disappointment. 

I met a guy. We both knew what we were looking for and not looking for. We hung out. It was great. I thought he was completely different than the guys in the past. 

Turns out he's just the same. I'm not sure what happened but suddenly he became too busy.

I was mad. I hate being lied to. I was frustrated. I was sad. 

I decided to just be sad. Let me just feel sorry for myself. 

It took me a few days to get over myself and to remind myself that God is in control. It doesn't make much sense to me... why I keep letting myself get hurt.

When you think about it disappointments don't make sense at all.

Until you realize God has a plan for everything in your life. It all matters. It all has a purpose. It all makes you who you are. 

Our disappointments shouldn't steer us away from God. They should make us run to him. Pray to him. Ask him to help us understand. 

The anger, frustration, and sadness easily comes out 
when we're disappointed. 

Instead of letting those things out we need to let God in.

Father, help me to immediately rely on you when I'm disappointed. Help me to ask you for discernment and guidance when I just don't understand. Amen. 

Tired.

I've been doing so much better with my loneliness and depression the last few months. When you stop focusing on what you DON'T have and choose to focus on what God has given you it becomes easier to be happy. 

But some days I can't help but feel tired. Not so much physically tired but emotionally.

I feel tired of doing the same thing with my life day after day.

I feel tired of not having my own children to love.

I feel tired of always helping others.

I feel tired of being a hard worker.

I feel tired of caring so much.

All these things make me who I am. I care about people deeply, I love so many children, I work hard, I care about my job, I am a servant, I love to do things for others. 

The devil is a jerk. He just can't let you be happy. He doesn't like when God is working in your life. The devil gets jealous. He wants you to be irritated. He wants you to be mad at God. So he put these thoughts in your head. These negative thoughts that bring you down. 

I hear you, devil. I'm choosing not to listen to you. 

I am blessed to have the life I do. It could be worse.

I am beyond greatful I get to love children who give me so much joy.

I am glad I want to help others. You never know how you affect someone you serve.

I am proud to be a hard worker.

I am glad I care so much because it makes me passionate. 

I wish the devil would just leave me alone. Unfortunately I know he won't. He thrives on making us feel tired, unloved, worthless, and under appreciated. 

Thankfully my moment of being tired only last a few hours. Whenever I feel tired of this life I have I need to lean on the who gave me this life and trust that He wouldn't put anything in my life that would produce these thoughts. 

The Enemy.

Temptation is straight from the enemy. He uses temptation to tease you, taunt you, manipulate your thoughts, cause you to worry, and deceive you. 

I gave in to temptation for months. I was teased with affection so I kept going back. I was taunted by feeling wanted. The enemy manipulated my thoughts by making me believe it was ok, I was just having fun. I was constantly worried about many things. I was completely and utterly deceived by the enemy. After all, his deceitful thoughts are what got me there in the first place. He is the one who made me feel unworthy, unloved, and lonely. I chose to act on those temptations, but he is the one who first placed those thoughts in my head. 

My eight months of pure ridiculous behavior (refer to the blog titled GRACE) included several different guys. It's not something I say proudly. It's actually rather embarrassing for me. None of them meant anything to me and I meant nothing to them. 

One of them I cannot let go. I haven't given in to temptation in four months, but I'm telling you I have felt tempted. I have prayed for him and I've prayed about him. I have no desire to see him. So why can't I just let him go? Why can't I just stop talking to him? The things he said to me and the way he treated me over those eight months should make it easier to let go. 

When you're trying your hardest is when the enemy creeps back in. He fills your head with nonsense. This time I want to be done. I want to be done with this guy so bad. I need to be done with him. 

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape with horns. He comes as everything you ever wished for. Pray with me for me to have wisdom and discernment. 

And to be like Elsa and "Let it gooooooo!" 

Affirmation.

I adore the children I work with. They fill my heart with so much love. They are the funniest, sweetest, most loving children. Unfortunately there are times when they just get a little wild, rambunctious, loud, and forget how to listen and make good choices.

It never fails that right after I get on to someone for their behavior I hear a gentle voice say, "Miss Corey, I love you."

Majority of the time this child isn't even the one I had to get on to. She needs that affirmation from me. She needs to know even though I'm frustrated I still love her. That I still love all of them. There is no doubt in my mind that they know I love them. They need to know I'm not mad enough to stop loving them.

I've needed that affirmation from God before. During my darkest moments, those 8 months when I was lost, I needed to know that God still loved me. Even though I was not being the best person, I needed affirmation that He still loved me even though I felt unlovable. 

God loved me before I came to know Him. God loved me when I tried to rush his timing and failed miserably. God loves me now. He will love me when I mess up again. He loves me because He knows me. He knows my heart. He loves me and I love Him. 

I hope my room full of children know I will always love them. Even when they spit on the floor, hit their friend, throw wood chips at the bumble bee for the 100th time, I will still love them because those things don't make them who they are.